Have been avoiding writing about the Hero's last months, but as I have been following FootNoteMaven 's challenges as her husband is recovering from a heart attack the memories have flooded back. It is not quite the same because the Hero had col-rectal cancer and the end was creeping in.
I was so blessed by his thoughtfulness. It was hard to let him go, but it was understood by him and me that it was going to be a temporary separation. He knew I didn't want him to go, but knew it was going to happen.
When Maven was talking about Mr Maven telling her he loved her through the C-Pap mask. I was taken back to a time when I was draining the fluids out of the Hero's chest with a vacuum bottle. It had to have hurt just my moving the chest tube around, but he looked at me through the oxygen mask and said... with a smile, "I love you". I love him too.
|The Hero with two grandchildren
After his death, two of his friends shared stories of things he had said to them. One had asked him if he felt like Job because of a chain of events he had experienced. He told him no, that he had a personal angel with him that loved him that Job didn't have. (You know how that made me feel)
The other friend said they had been joking while he was watching the Hero so I could go to the store. All of a sudden the Hero stopped and said "She has been an angel to me. I love her."
These were little gifts he left me that I hold on to, knowing one day I will see him again.
I am able to talk about this a little at a time now, it is not easy, but I need to begin opening that door.