Sunday, June 23, 2013

Sentimental Sunday: How Decisions Shape Our Lives

Here I sit in the wee hours of the morning at the computer.  I was awakened in the dead of night with this Hero story going through my head, knowing I have to write it now. There is only one other person alive who knows this story besides myself. 
The Hero and I were deeply in love. We had our lives planned out. I was on the brink of becoming a Registered Nurse with a degree and he was attending school to finish his degree in Business and working at the same time.  A dilemma came into our well planned out future, or so we thought.  I was pregnant.  We talked with our enlightened friends about this and they were adamant that we should have an abortion, that it (they didn't use the word child) would ruin our careers and future.  I will digress here and remind you, the Hero was agnostic; I was the only believer in Christ in the group.
I found myself in the middle of our queen size bed hugging myself, crying and praying while the Hero went to talk with a friend who was a nurse to find out where to go to have an abortion.  This was before Planned Parenthood.  I did not want this, but the peer pressure was so great, I did not feel the strength to go against so many who were positive this was right.  I reached out to the only understanding friend I could.   I prayed to Christ to not let this happen.  He had the strength I did not.  “Please don’t let this happen.”  Tears streamed down my face as I hugged myself into a ball rocking back and forth and pleading this over and over.  I felt an unexplained peace in my heart that it would not happen, but could not quit pleading. 
I heard the key in the door.  The Hero paused at the doorway.  I looked up. He had the most compassionate loving look on his face.  He came over and took me in his arms, and said “We are not doing this. I don’t want you to hate me.  We can overcome the challenges.”  My heart exploded with love for him, and I thanked God that He had spared me and my child. 
Years later, as a Public Health Nurse, I found myself across a desk from many young women who were discussing having an abortion.  Most were acting on the advice of friends, and many did not have a faith to fall back on.  My advice to them was to talk with their parents or ministers who cared about them and their well being.  I told them not to rely on people who had no investment in them or their future.  I don’t know how many listened, but I tried, because I had knowledge of what that choice meant.
I know without a doubt, had my sweet, beautiful daughter not been born, our family would not have been.  The Hero would not have made the step to find Christ back in his life, and I would not have survived.  Such a thin thread, but so very strong.  I continue daily to Thank God for his tender mercies and his being mindful of my needs. 

I am not sure why the urgency to write this came tonight, but I hope if someone who might be thinking of having an abortion reads this, it will help.  You may not want a child, but that child is wanted by others who, for reasons beyond their control, may not be able to have a child.  I personally wanted my funny face and love her deeply and for always.